


The End Is Not Goodbye

by Writernon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Community: tfa_kink, Depressing, Euthanasia, Gen, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Finn, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Over the Top, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, The Force, a bit gross, if you don't read chapter 2, if you read chapter 2, implausible medicine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writernon/pseuds/Writernon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I haven't found the strength to continue."</p><p>A minor planetside accident leads to deadly illness.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="small">[Warnings are in the tags, please read the tags for warnings.]</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For this [Misfire Prompt](https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/3961.html?thread=9309049#cmt9309049) on [tfa-kink](tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org), which I selectively ignored and bent to my whims, sorry.

"I've been really ill and bedridden and I haven't found the strength to continue." Finn's brow beaded with sweat, and his skin was almost olive-drab against the white medbay sheets.

"You have to, buddy." Poe gripped Finn's hand. Finn's grip back was a shadow of his usual strength. "Please. You've been through so much and fought so hard. Don't let them win."

"I can't. I can't, Poe." Finn's drooping eyes found Poe's. The whites had a yellow-green tinge. "I've heard the med-droids. They say that they can't eradicate the infection with the tools they have. Even bacta won't touch it. It's a weaponized infection from the time of the Clone Wars." 

Poe recalled from military history lessons the scourge of this disease. It was meant to take out enemy combatants, giving a long, lingering, painful death, sapping combat medical resources in caring for the afflicted and spreading through battlefield medic stations as the established infection became airborne, infecting other open wounds. The wounds never healed, the infection keeping them open to continue spreading. The scratch Finn had gotten was enough to let it in; had this been a normal injury it would barely have left a scar, but with this infection it was killing him.

The first few times the disease was used in battle it spread far further than the battlefield, decimating entire planetary populations before running out of people to infect and going dormant. The use of it had been banned on both sides on all civilized worlds for decades, and the known dead planets where it had been used were under strictest quarantine. History now had forgotten which side had created it, but it didn't matter. There was no cure. 

"They're working on a cure now though," Poe said to Finn, keeping his voice bright and optimistic, not letting go of Finn's lax hand. "Fast as they can. They've stopped it from spreading to others except through direct blood-to-blood contact now, and that's a good sign. If they can control it, they can cure it!"

"I'm glad they kept this from spreading." Finn said, voice weak. "It'd be so much worse if anyone else got this from me. This was my mistake."

"No, Finn. I screwed up. If we hadn't landed at that dead planet, if I'd checked the archives better, if I'd warned you about that spine-shrub before you-"

Finn squeezed his hand. "Hey. No. Not your fault."

"I can't lose you to this. Or anything. I can't shoot this, Finn. I can't rescue you, I can't fly us away from this." Poe placed his other hand over Finn's, clasping it in both, willing his own strength and warmth into the too-chill skin. "It's all down to you. You're the one who needs to fight this fight."

"I have, Poe. But I can't any longer."

Poe shook his head. "But you're-"

"When I'm awake it's split between pain and numbness from drugs. When I'm asleep it's not really sleep, just nauseating terror I can't escape. Endless fevers, it's been getting worse every day. I can't even move now, and mentally this is the clearest I've been for weeks."

Poe smiled. "I know, but that's great! It's a great sign you're so awake and lucid right now. It must mean you're improving! That's why I don't get why-"

"Poe." Finn said, locking eyes with him. "I'm only this clear because I ordered the med-droid to get me fully clear-headed by any means possible, and then... give us some time alone. I wanted this last moment in private with you. So I could say this. So I could see you one last time."

Poe's heart went into free-fall. "What?"

"When this wears off.... Poe, I won't wake up again."

"No! What?! Why?!" The room swam around him and Poe could hear his heartbeat in his ears. "Why would you-!"

"Because I needed to say." The exhaustion in Finn's voice hurt to hear. "I need to say. It's not your fault. I don't want to go, I don't want to leave you-"

"Then don't! Please!"

"Let me- Poe, Let me say this. I love you."

"I know, I love you too! Don't leave me, please Finn!"

"No choice." Finn's gaze slipped back to staring up at the med bay ceiling, tears gathering at the corners. "I've fought, and the medical droids have fought, and it's not going to be enough. I won't survive this."

"You have to." Nothing made sense. "I can't, without you. I won't let you- Please!"

"The only good thing from this is maybe from my infection they will find a cure for it."

"Yes! Yes! They will find a cure!" Poe reached out and put his palm on Finn's chest. The faint _wh-whum_ of Finn's heart under the flimsy med bay gown was barely tangible. _That can't stop. That can't ever stop._ "You just need to hang on long enough-"

"It's going to be years until a cure is developed, Poe, if they're lucky." Finn's voice was sad, flat, inevitable. "I'll be in a coma in less than an hour, and gone in a few days."

"You- No. No. I can't. I can't do this." Everything was spinning. _This can't be real. I haven't had enough time with him yet. I_ need _him, and if he isn't here, if he's gone, then I.... I..._

"No," Poe said, standing. 

Finn looked up at him blearily and sighed. "Poe-"

"No." The edges of everything seemed bright. "I'm not letting this take you from me." 

Before he could think, Poe had his multi-tool out and was thumbing open the blade. 

"Poe, what are you doing?"

Poe set the blade against the skin of his own palm. "Blood-to-blood transmission still works, right?"

"What? POE, NO!!" Finn's wrecked voice cracked as he shouted, arms straining to stop Poe, but he was too weak. His reaching hand grabbed the fabric of Poe's duty uniform at the hip and held tight, but it wasn't enough.

The sharp blade pulled across Poe's palm, followed by a bloom of blood. "Ah, kriff that stings." 

"DROIDS! STOP HIM!" Finn collapsed back on the bed, putting all his energy into his hoarse shouting. Poe caught a glimpse of Finn's wide horrified eyes, holding the knowledge of what Poe was going to do but unable to stop him. Poe looked away.

Flipping back the diagnostic cover, Poe quickly peeled back the bandage over the scratch on Finn's shin. The site of the infection was surrounded by angry mahogany-toned fevered skin, and the wound oozed blood and clear yellow fluid. 

"Sorry about this, buddy, but you're not going anywhere without me."

As gently but as quickly as he could, Poe placed his own bleeding palm directly against the open wound on Finn's shin.

Wheezing, Finn fought to regain his breath. "...Poe. Poe, _what have you done?_ "

Poe felt a little giddy. He wasn't sure if it was the disease or the realization of how insane what he'd just done was. "Well, depending what planetary culture you're referencing, I've married you, or adopted you as a brother, or sealed a lifetime contract, or-"

"You cut your own hand and put it against my infected wound." Finn croaked, devestated. "You- Poe. _Poe._ You're going to get this disease too now. You'll _die._ Why?"

Quietly, with the hand not gripping Finn's fever-hot shin, Poe folded the knife blade back into his multi-tool and slid it back into his pocket. Every movement felt surreal.

"I can't save you, Finn. Gods I wish I could, but I can't. I also can't expect you to ke- keep trying to live in agony for my sake, just because I can't bear to let you go. I want you to live, more than anything, but it's selfish of me to ask you for that when you're in so much pain and have fought so hard. So, I'm following you."

"You're a bastard, Poe Dameron," Finn whispered.

"Still love me?" Poe tried to sound jocular, but his voice shook.

"I..."

"Please." Keeping his eyes closed, not willing to see what expression was on Finn's face. "I'm sorry. Please, Finn."

"Yes." Finn's voice was a weak breath now. "I... nothing you could do would... would ever..."

"Finn?" Poe glanced up the bed to meet Finn's drooping eyes, the man's strength fading fast. "Finn?!"

"I... goodbye Poe..." Finn's eyes slid shut. The grip he had held on the leg of Poe's trousers went slack, his hand dropping back to the bed.

"Finn..." Poe's legs felt suddenly weak and he sat abruptly in the chair next to the med bay bed. 

Med droids entered and blatted alarms at the sight of Poe's bleeding hand still wrapped around the oozing wound on Finn's shin, the bandages cast aside. They pulled Poe's hand away, and he didn't resist. Poe didn't care anymore. He watched the faint rise and fall of Finn's chest as the droids scanned the both of them, feeling the weight of his choice settle on him just as inexorably as he felt the ache and exhaustion settle into his bones. 

Droids and medical staff clustered around, but all Poe would see was Finn. Poe was glad BB8 wasn't here. Finn had said not to bring him, and now Poe knew why.

He couldn't hear the panic in the med bay anymore. A wave of painful heat swept through him, and it was suddenly impossible to keep his eyes open, but he fought for one more glimpse of Finn. Chest rising, chest falling.

 _It was a day before Finn passed out,_ Poe thought. _This must take hold faster from a live infection than from spores. Maybe we'll go at the same time..._

Poe's eyes slid closed and he drifted into the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want the heavy angst ending, stop reading at the end of Chapter 1.
> 
> If you want the happy ending (because I am weak and want them to be happy and so does the Force 'cause I say so) then continue reading to the end.


	2. Chapter 2

A week later, Poe opened his eyes to see Finn sitting next to his bed, holding his hand. Finn; awake, alert, healthy. It was the best sight Poe had ever seen, and didn't even care that he himself felt like spike-fruit were being roasted and ground through his entire body.

"F-finn." Poe smiled, even though it hurt more. "S'good to see you, buddy."

Finn smiled. "You are a crazy man, Poe Dameron."

"M'hm." Some device hummed over Poe's head and the pain began to recede into a bank of clouds. Poe half-drifted for a moment before coming back. "Crazy how?"

"Did you know that would happen? I mean, Luke and Rey both say there's no way you could have known, but you're the one who grew up in a kriffing Force tree."

 _The Tree._ Poe closed his eyes, remembering the sapling Luke Skywalker had brought back to Yavin with Poe's mother, it growing so fast, climbing it, sleeping in it, sitting under it and feeling the faint warmth of the bark against his back. "Did I know what?"

"The med-droids have been talking mostly in really excited binary ever since I woke up, but the gist is... you have magic blood." Finn grinned.

 _Maybe I'm comatose after all._ "Nothin' magic about me," he murmured.

"Nuh uh. That specific disease triggered something in your blood when it came in contact with mine. Luke and Rey say it's some latent Force-related thing, but as I see it, what happened was when you went and got yourself infected by me, you also infected me."

"What?" 

"Your blood. Magic. Poof." Finn gestured to himself. "All better."

A med-droid hovering discretely nearby made a disapproving boop.

Finn rolled his eyes at the medical droid. "Fine, mostly better. Better than, uh." Finn swallowed and looked away. "Better than I thought I'd be around now."

Poe blinked his eyes open to look closer at Finn. His skin was still dull and his eyes still had a yellow tinge. The knuckles of the hand that held Poe's protruded a little more than usual.

A sudden pang of worry. "You're okay though, right? You'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine. And so will you. Your antibodies invaded me and stomped that infection flat, after a week of sheer hell. They're doing the same with you." Finn gestured across medbay at a cluster of people and diagnostic droids. "Dr. Kalonia has been taking blood samples from both of us through this and working with Luke on a cure for this that can be mass-produced. They tested your blood on other diseases and there's nothing, no different than normal human blood. It's just this one disease. Luke said that something woke up in you just for that. Otherwise, you're normal." 

Poe blinked slowly. Nothing was processing at full speed, so eventually he settled for, "Huh."

Finn's jaw clenched. "Oh and that blood thing you did, if you didn't know about your magic blood? That was _dumb_ , Poe. That was _unforgivably_ dumb. You'd have died for nothing."

"You're not nothing," Poe thought he'd only thought, but apparently had said out loud, so he said it again, louder. "You're not nothing."

Finn's eyes grew more serious, and he opened his mouth to say something else.

Poe spoke before Finn could. "And if I hadn't done it, you'd be dead now and the galaxy wouldn't be on its way to having a cure for an ancient planet-killing bio-weapon." Poe ran out of breath and stopped to inhale. "Maybe the Force gave me a hunch." 

Finn closed his mouth and frowned. "The Force doesn't work like that. I don't think."

Poe tried to shrug one shoulder and smirk, but halfway through the shrug his aching muscles spasmed and he wound up half-hunching and grimacing instead.

Leaning forward in the chair, Finn wrapped his other hand around Poe's. Finn's grip was firm and warm now, and something deep in Poe relaxed a little to feel it.

"Poe. I need you to promise me something." Finn's eyes were dark and intent, focussed on Poe.

"Sure buddy, anything."

"Don't _ever_ do something like that to me again. Ever. And before you come back at me, being a smartass about this, I don't mean saving my life with your magic blood. I mean..." Finn shook his head. "If I'm dead-"

"Don't," Poe said, but Finn carried on.

"If I'm dead, Poe, one of the last things I'll be thinking is how glad I am that you're still alive, being an awesome pilot and a good person, smart-mouthing the First Order and doing what's right. That you're still going to be in the world even though I'm not." Finn swallowed. "That I know we'll meet again, but only when it's time. Okay?"

For a moment, Poe lost his breath, and he knew it wasn't because of his body fighting off the infection. He thought back to that moment beside Finn's bed, when he couldn't stand the thought of being alive if Finn wasn't, and taking an action that he was certain would kill him. He thought of their positions reversed: What if he was dying, and Finn did what he'd done? Closing his eyes for the last time, knowing Finn was going to die and it was too late to stop it, any of it.

Poe shuddered. "If you promise the same."

Finn nodded. "I do. I'd never do that to you."

"I promise. I'm sorry, Finn. I..." Poe trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say anymore.

Finn patted his shoulder. "Yeah. Save your bigger apologies for BB8. I already apologized a bunch of times for telling you to not bring him that day, and all Rey will tell me about the five minutes of squalling he let me have after that is that the only reason he's not zapping me right now is he's waiting for me to be off the sick list."

Poe chuckled, but it turned into a cough. "Yeah. I don't even know if he'll speak to me after that."

Finn shook his head. "Oh, trust me, he'll speak to you. He'll blister your ears."

Smiling, Poe relaxed back into his pillows, letting whatever medication he'd been administered turn the pain into a passing thought. "I look forward to it."

"So about that transferring our blood thing." Finn looked down at the floor, then back up at Poe with a lopsided grin. "Married, hunh?"

Poe smirked back. "Or adopted. Or-"

"Lifetime contract." Finn squeezed Poe's hand and smiled. "Sounds good to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR: The Force Ships It.


End file.
